Having my medical school process end in COVID is crazy
because I don’t know how to feel. I’m grateful for more
time with my partner and dog. I’m grateful for enough
time to sleep. But the time is also filled with sadness,
frustration, and confusion about everything else. I
don’t let myself process the feelings. I don’t think
anyone else is letting themselves process, either (not
just within medicine). The other thing I don’t usually
let myself do, is settle in–to a place, or with people.
But somehow, I’m hopeful looking ahead, that I’ll end up
where I’m meant to be, with the right resident family and
attendings. I believe I’ll find my home in this group of
friends and mentors, hopefully in warmer weather! And that
together, we’ll find creative ways to change the healthcare
system to reach, and give voice to, the often-forgotten
families who deserve to be heard and served much better.
I do believe my days of settling in are ready to begin.
Notes from the interview that inspired this poem:
She was in her fourth year of medical school, and had recently completed many virtual residency interviews. “It’s hard, not knowing what it will be like where you’re going to train, and having to make decisions based on videos,” she said. She was holding many conflicting emotions at the same time, but was hopeful about the future. What she looked forward to the most was becoming part of a cohesive and like-minded family with her co-residents and attendings. Ideally, this would be somewhere warmer than she was now, as she missed the warm weather in California, where she was from.
Interviewee: Anonymous, Medical Student
Listener Poet: Jenny Hegland